Everyone has them…
Sometimes they are good.
Lebron James had a great defining moment, when he went from “good” basketball player, to NBA champion in 2012.
Christianity had a defining moment when Jesus did what no other religious leader in history could- ROSE FROM THE DEAD!
And of course- one of the most well known defining moments in US history, I would be remiss not to mention Jaslene Gonzalez and her America’s Next Top Model Cycle 8 victory.
Sometimes- defining moments are bad.
Kanye West had a bad defining moment when he decided to interrupt Taylor Swift’’s acceptance speech and give his two cents.
Los Angeles Clippers owner, Donald Sterling is currently dealing with a very “colorful” bad defining moment right now as well.
And last but not least, Snooki- although I absolutely LOVE her, has had a bad defining moment or two in her Jersey Shore life.
The point that I am most likely unsuccessfully trying to make, is that EVERYONE HAS DEFINING MOMENTS- Moments that define your life or moments that define the path that your life is taking. For me, minus the time I was left at Backstreet Boys Nick Carter’s house, I don’t think I’ve had many of these incidents. HOWEVER…… There was one. One defining moment. One tale, that although shows my ignorance, will at the very least, give you a laugh.
Allow me to set the scene- In 2005, much like a young Harry Potter, I boarded the Hogwarts Express (aka my 2003 Ford Taurus) and made my way to the beacon of higher learning known to most, as Clearwater Christian College. Now, of course, Harry had his two besties to keep him company, but I had ONE amazing roommate. April. 3 Fun Facts about April- (In no particular order) 1. She is hilarious 2. She is awesome 3. She is DEATHLY ALLERGIC TO DAIRY. As a person that is not allergic to anything- you know, except for success, long term relationships and bras that fit correctly, I don’t know the first thing about food allergies and/or what they entail. It was a dark, humid evening at CCC, and as all good stories begin, my roommate April had an idea. The girls in our unit had decided to decorate name tags for our doors. Like a painter carefully selects his/her instrument in which to deliver self-expression, I rummaged through April’s rather large, rather cluttered bag of artistic goods. Nothing seemed to jump out at me. An “art-teeest” of my stature wouldn’t pick just any ole jagged colored pencil to decorate my nametag. No. That wouldn’t do at all. I needed something that would stand out. I needed something that would make my nametag a cut above. If all the other nametags in the dorm shopped at WalMart, I wanted EVERYONE to know that my nametag shopped at Target. I had all but given up hope of finding a color I could really sink my teeth into when BEHOLD! A beautiful sight! In all of my time in the nametag making business, (5 minutes of it) I had never laid eyes on such a gorgeous, life-changing nay- life BRIGHTENING marker. If this marker had a previous owner, it was no doubt, one of the Spice Girls. (my money is on Sporty Spice, but nobody puts Baby in a corner) I digress. Just as I was beginning to think my nametag was going to be about as exciting as last week’s episode of Amish Mafia, I found it. Not only did this particular marker have a beautiful highlighter appearance, the creator must have taken just as much pride in his/her invention as I did in looking at it, because the “Geppeto” of this masterpiece even took the time and care to name their slice of artistic gold. An EPI-PEN. What a classy name for nothing more than a simple art supply.
Not only did this “EPI-PEN” exude power, it also came with an even more classy plastic case. My assumption was, to protect it from being touched by the dollar store, off-brand crayons floating in the bottom of April’s bag. My hands trembled as I reached for what was clearly the “spirit stick” of the art world. I held my breath as I retrieved the pen from its holder. Not only did the EPI-PEN have a plastic container to protect it from undesirables, the EPI-PEN had DIRECTIONS FOR USE. Some would say that my obsession with this pen borderlines on alarming. Some would be right. However, like an Nicole Kidman in Stepford Wives, I mindlessly read Direction #1. Remove EPI-PEN from case. “Bitch give me something difficult”, I thought to myself. DONE.
Direction #2 Pull Black End Off Of The EPI-PEN. “Seems Legit. I must just need to remove this plug, then the marker portion will come out.”
Direction #3 Hold EPI-PEN Parallel To Thigh “Hmmm….. If this were a normal art supply, that would be weird. But this is, afterall, an "EPI-PEN". Who am I to question such undeniable class? When in Rome, I always say!!!” *squinting to read Direction #4, as I held the EPI-PEN down, parallel to my thigh*
Direction #4 Swing EPI-PEN Firmly Into Upper Thigh “Ummm…. Ok? No, this still makes sense. I just jam this lil’ guy into my thigh and the desired marker will pop out the other end. Seems (slightly less) legit.”
I want to tell you that an alarm went off in my head and I put the EPI-PEN down and stepped away.
I want to tell you that I would not have jammed the EPI-PEN into my upper thigh.
I want to tell you that I was smarter than that.
But, I also want to tell you that I did not just recently order the COMPLETE box set of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition on Amazon.
But I would be lying.
At the last possible second, April informed me that the EPI-PEN was not. in fact, an avenue for artistic euphoria, but instead a tool in which to jab into her upper thigh in the unfortunate event that she were to come into contact with dairy.
Like I said at the beginning of this story-
Defining Moments.....
We all have them.
Things are not always what they seem. That is the beauty of life. That is the disaster of life.
I feel foolish when I think that I was about the jab that EPI-PEN into my thigh. However, I can laugh at myself now, because in my lifetime, I've had an embarssing defining moment or two. Perhaps next time I will regale you all with the story of my trip to the Standish Circus.
Maybe we can all remember that things are not always what they seem, and that is ok. In fact, that is life.
"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style."
-Maya Angelou
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