College Professors..... and also- Usher.

These are my confessions...

Like Usher's sex addictions brought to the surface, Imma be honest about something- I DO NOT blog well. AT ALL. Shocker, I know! =) I just recently started this technological voyage, and much like Chris Columbus back in '92, I kinda suck at it. However, I have been reading a few blogs. If you haven't read my BFF's blog, you have to. If you've never heard of Jon Acuff, hate your life- then read Stuff Christians Like. And finally- my guurrrllll Jaime. She's awesome. Ok another confession- she's not actually my "gurl" at all. I've never even met her. Buuutttt.... she writes an awesome blog! Jaime and her family are missionaries to Costa Rica , but she's totally normal! I LOVE her writings. She has the humor of Bob Hope, the wisdom of Ghandi and the ability to keep it real like my man Marshall Mathers, ya'll! HOLLA!!! Even though Jaime claims to have the monopoly on the VeryWorstMissionary, I think I'm definitely the very worst something. I, Leanne, am the very worst Sunday School Teacher. Don't believe me? Well, you should. I once compared Esther being picked for queen, to Tyra's search for America's Next Top Model. I once gave the kids a coloring page that portrayed Shadrach in the fiery furnace, looking not distressed at all, but more like a metrosexual hair stylist from LA. I also once ate every pink starburst in the entire pack, right in front of their eyes, because a fight broke out over that delightful strawberry flavored candy. Yea- I'm the worst. However, I think my "epic fail"- my Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction if you will, came last week. I was talking to the kids about Easter and explaining that there are other religions in the world that don't believe the same thing that we do. One of my *whitecoughwhite* students said, "Other religions? Like Mexican?" I almost spit out my Diet Coke.
I swallowed.
No honey- Mexican is a nationality, not a religion.
One of my hispanic students just looked at me and shook his head almost as if to say, "Miss Leanne- this girl clearly "mexi-can't". Somewhere along the way, this girl got some green, white and red wires crossed. I think that happens to me more than most people. Sometimes I get my wires crossed. Sometimes I think its ok to yell at random children in WalMart. Sometimes I call people by the wrong name. Yup- sometimes I feel like my life is the mis-education of Leanne.

Education. The key to not being a dumbass. I think this quote should go on every school wall in America.  There are so many types of learning styles and teachers, that I have decided to make a handy dandy list of my Top 5, and what they do. I've also cross referenced them with specific TV shows they are most like.

You're welcome. 

So- LET'S DO IT! 

1. LOST- aka Dr. Denny

Doppleganger: GLEE's Sue Sylvester

Theme Song: "Bad Reputation" by Joan Jett

Nemesis: The Review Sheet

This teacher lives a life of mystery. Much like the island of the unknown, you can almost NEVER guess what this professor is thinking, so you can forget knowing what's going to be on the test. 

I've never cried after a final exam. Ever. Until Educational Psychology with Dr. Denny. I studied for 7 hours straight, and I was still only 50% sure where the test was even being held. Like the plane crash victims followed Jack Shepard into the jungle, I blindly followed my fellow classmates to the library in search of "practice tests" to prepare myself. Three hours later, I was only certain of one thing. No matter how many times you try to smuggle the answers out the front door, they catch you. Yes- this type of teacher takes pride in their element of mystery. The beauty of the unknown, my friends. 

2. America's Next Top Model- aka Mr. Davis the science teacher. 

Doppleganger: Al Boreland

Theme Song: "Big Bang Theory" intro music

Nemesis: A full roster

At the beginning of this semester, there were 50 students all wanting to pass this class. Now, only twelve of you stand before me. But statistically speaking, only one of you will make it to final exam week. Let me remind you of what you are competing for- 3 over-priced science credits and the satisfaction of a job well done. It's good to be a winner. 

Yes, you know this teacher. You and fifty of your closest friends set out to tame the beast, knowing that similar to Survivor: Timbuktu, only a few of you would outwit, outplay and outlast. I never understood why the teacher wanted to make science even more difficult than it already was, but I didn't think about it for long. I was too busy filling out my drop/add slip. SO LONG SUCKA!!! I'll be taking this class at HCC. 

3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer- aka Dr. Richter.

Doppleganger: Dopplegangers are evil

Theme Song: "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"

Nemesis: Satan. DUH!

I've never been attacked by a vampire. That has never happened. Though, if he looked anything like Angel, I'm not 100% sure that I would fully spurn his advances. 

CONFESSION: I've never had a Dr. Richter class, but I've had a plethora of psychology major friends tell me the exciting hijinks of the man in high waters. Anyone that has been in parochial schooling, knows the teacher that I am referring to. The one that thinks satan is behind everything that goes wrong, when in reality, most of the time, it comes from Billy in the back row. "Daily Battle"- that is how Dr. Richter describes life. A bit much, in my opinion. Apparently, students in his class are warned that "the devils in the details". I cannot say I wholly disagree, but let's not go overboard, Buff. Not EVERYTHING in life is a drag out fight between good and evil. I mean, even though I would look completely badass, I'm not going to walk around with a stake in my pocket at all times. Either way, I would put Buffy on the side of good. Her outfits in seasons 1-4: different story.  

4. Super Nanny- aka Mr. Partridge. 

Doppleganger: Mel Gibson with the voice of Rocky Balboa.

Theme Song: "Soul Survivor" by Young Jeezy ft. Akon

Nemesis: Freshmen Boys

Super nanny converts unruly toddlers. Mr. Partridge converts unruly freshmen. I secretly think my college put Frank Partridge in all of the 100 level history classes, to keep down the Abercrombie wearing, "Dashboard Confessional" listening, douche-bag freshmen riff raff.

Mr. Partridge, in his no-nonsense, ruff voice, would earn class respect, but at the same time, whoop your ass if he had to. Yes, he would tell you that you were "making his ulcers bleed", but everyone knew that those were tears of happiness and a job well done. Well, you know, a job well done, my second time taking the class.

5. Burn Notice meets Masterpiece Theatre- aka Dr. Lexie Wiggins aka "Sexy Lexie". 

Doppleganger: You don't need one when you're that awesome

Theme Song: "Fresh Azimiz" by Bow Wow

Nemesis: Professors that use text books

Dr. Wiggins was my history teacher. He was pretty much the man. I don't think the CIA ever burned him, but it was only because they knew better. He knew everything there ever was to know about the Civil War. Mostly, because he was there when it happened. I remember many fun times in a Wiggins class, but my favorite was the time he wore one of those "mock turtleneck sweatshirts". I mean, there's really no way you can top that. Right? He also wore a golfing hat alot and opened doors for the ladies... He was pretty much a pimp.

I know for sure that I've missed many other types of teachers, but  for now, this list will have to do. What about you? Any crazy teachers that you remember? Any favorites? Mine was Mr. Mckeen my history teacher in high school... He might deserve his own post =)