Megan Fox, and the Truth About Gas Stoves........

They called me Spike.

If I wrote a Russell Brand-esqe memoir of why I am, the way that I am- aside from the cover having me dressed up like Lady GaGa in the "Born This Way" video, this story I'm about to tell, would probably be a focal chapter. Well, either I would be dressed like GaGa or Megan Fox from Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen... you know- that part in the desert... with Shia Lebouf.... It would DEFINITELY be one of those 2 things. It could be a bestseller!! It would be called, "All-aboard the LTRAYNE"..... Just promise me now, that when you go into Books-A-Million and see the cardboard cutout of me dressed like a conductor, that you wont push it over.... or burn it.... Instead, take a picture of yourself with it and post it to Facebook and Twitter... With the tag-line: "I guess the LTRAYNE stops in (_insert your city here_). That would be awesome.

Yes- as I was saying....
They called me Spike.
My entire Senior year of high school, all of the boys in my class, called me "Spike". Before we light the torches and go after these mean boys like the cartoon village people in Beauty and the Beast, I have to confess- they were right. I.Had.A.Spike.
And let me assure you, that similar to most of my hijinks- It all started off innocently enough......

I had a babysitting job up north.
The kids were hungry.
They wanted hot dogs.
There was an oven.
Umm..... a GAS OVEN.
Now, like Billy Crystal in City Slickers, my knowledge of the great north, was limited to chewing tobacco and Boone's Farm.
Well, that didn't seem to matter much to the northern forest gods, as I was about to be educated in the art of flammable materials.
Yup- as you guessed it!
I turned the burner knob to high, and then it happened. Like your friendly neighborhood meth lab, the bottom right burner IGNITED.
As in, BLEW UP!!!!

I should be thankful.
I really should be.
Thankful that I wasn't wearing hairspray... or gasoline.
I should be thankful.....

So there you go. I may or may not have singed off approximately a 1 and a half inch radius of hair directly above my right eyebrow.... Right at the forehead... for all to see.  
And that is how the story of Spike was born. 
Ok fine..... there's one more thing....
The hair would grow back and stick DIRECTLY out in front of me- as if I were some overweight, brunette unicorn. And so what would I do?
I would cut it.
Yes, friends. For a good seven or eight months, I would cut off the spikey hair patch, and then strategically place my bangs over said area. If the hair would get too long, it would be cut.

Then came that fateful day. Graduation Pictures.

"To Cut the spike- or to not cut the spike"

*go to page 73 if you think Leanne cuts the spike and then spends the next hour and a half, crying in the bathroom.
*go to page 55 if you think Leanne doesn't cut the spike, and instead uses massive amounts of DEB styling gel to form her mane into a HUGE faux hawk.
-if you guessed page 73, you would be right.
-if you guessed page 55, who are you!??! Do you even know me at all!?!? WTF?!?!?!

Yes.... like a heorin addict back to the needle- I picked up those blue handled scissors. And with shaky hands, an even shakier heart, and what (I'm sure to be) some Alanis Morriessette song playing in the backgroud, I cut the spike.
I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT!!! YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME!!!!
But much like Tiger Wood's wife with a nine iron- I did what had to be done.
Do I regret it?
I can't say that I do....
See- life is like that sometimes.....

Sometimes we deal with things in the wrong way.
Sometimes we continue cutting the spike.
Sometimes, similar to Zach Morris, we keep getting ourselves into trouble.
And, sometimes, we devise some crazy scam and then have to use our imppecable blond hair and acid washed jeans to charm our way out of it...
Wait- what?!
My sister always tells me " Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results".
Pretty wise, huh?
I think so.

So, let's stop cutting the spike. Let's stop being a dumbass. K?
K.

*Thanks for reading this blog, and I promise next week will be funnier and WAY MORE WITTY!!! =)*